It has been a crazy few months, and even crazier few weeks! I started working for a direct sales company, that I completely love! My 11 year old dog has been having some issues. And…I’ve been featured in TEN articles, with my infertility photos!
Never in my life did I anticipate my life the way it has turned out. Never did I envision my life without children. I never would have considered myself a spokesperson for anything. When I had to give speeches in school, I would start sweating and shaking so bad that I wouldn’t even be able to talk. My infertility has inspired a passion so strong that I HAD to talk about it. I NEEDED to get it out. I NEEDED to let women know they are not alone. INFERTILITY SUCKS!
Unless you’ve gone through it, you don’t understand. You won’t. You can’t. You can’t imagine life without the children you’ve already birthed, and we can’t imagine life without the children we can’t birth.
Unless you’ve gone through infertility, you could never understand the emotions that we feel each month as menstruation starts. (And yes, I will talk about the evil PERIOD; because that is part of infertility). That moment when we first see that pink smear on the toilet paper. Maybe, just maybe it’s implantation bleeding. We convince ourselves. It’s still possible. As long as it doesn’t get any heavier. But it does. It ALWAYS does. And then so do the emotions. The sadness, and anger, the resentment. It all gets heavier. Heavier and harder. By day 2, we become an emotional wreck. I couldn’t tell you how many times my husband has found me crumbled on the bathroom floor sobbing. WHY ME?! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!? WHY DOES MY BODY HAVE TO BE BROKEN!?! Every month we curse our broken bodies, questioning what Karma is paying us back for. Questioning why God won’t let us have a baby.
Every month, we go through the grieving process all over again. Every month feels like another funeral for a child that could have been. Think about this, imagine going to 44 funerals, in the past 3+ years. INFERTILITY SUCKS!
But we deal with it, we go through the grieving process every month, and we still stand up, brush ourselves off and move forward, knowing that the next month will be the same, but hoping it will be different. Hope. That’s all we can do. Because what do we have left without HOPE?